In the Midst
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: Hogwarts graduating class of 1978 held so much promise that possibilities seemed limitless. Limitless, but for the war. Instead of praising their accomplishments, it looked ever more likely that their teachers would be eulogizing their potential at a constant stream of funerals. FP/OC, LE/JP, M for mostly violence, some light sexual situations
1. Waking Up

Rachel's hand twitched toward her face, but she stopped herself. Just because she hadn't seen him in a year didn't mean she should revert to form.

If she turned and left, maybe he wouldn't see her, anyway. But she did need more Floo powder, and it wasn't like she could just casually dump it out and come back the next day. That would be stupid anyway.

"Rachel?" his voice said, full of laughter as always. "Rachel Chaplin?"

She smiled at him, not needing to force herself.

Rachel smiled at everyone.

"Fabian!" she said, clutching her Floo powder and calculating how quickly she could feasibly end this conversation. "It's good to see you!"

This was not a lie. It was always good to see Fabian Prewett, as he was immensely attractive and reminded her of good days in school, when she would spend time with him, and sometimes with his brother and friends.

"I guess I really haven't seen you since we graduated, have I?" he said thoughtfully. "We should catch up. Are you busy?"

Was she busy? No. Should she pretend she was busy?

There really would be no purpose served but avoiding him, and after not seeing him in so long that was the last thing she wanted. She shook her head and he said, "Great, then I'll meet you outside once you've paid and maybe we could have lunch or something?"

Rachel hadn't supposed he'd meant lunch at his flat, but it turned out to be exactly what he meant.

"I'm surprised you and Gideon didn't get a place together," she said with a teasing smile. "I seem to recall that he was rather attached to you."

Fabian rolled his eyes.

"Gideon was needed elsewhere."

Something about the way he said that made a shiver raise bumps on her skin, but she just nodded like she knew what he meant and sat down as he put sandwiches on the table.

"How have you been?" he asked happily. "I'm guessing well. Your face looks better."

Rachel blushed.

"I've been all right," she admitted. "It's hard work, writing all the time, but eventually it will pay off, I think."

She reached for a sandwich as he poured them tea.

"Have you managed to publish yet?" he asked, stirring in sugar and milk to his own and passing her the black one.

"I'll actually be on shelves in a couple of months," she admitted, smiling wanly. "Would you like a copy?"

Fabian's eyes lit up playfully and he said, "Only if you sign it. Is it long?"

"Dreadfully," Rachel teased, and she felt that it was so easy to fall back into their old ways, familiar, laughing, joking together.

They talked for hours, catching up, reminiscing.

"Who do you spend time with, then?" he asked happily. "Have you seen Lily in a while?"

"Ah, no," Rachel said, smiling apologetically. "Holly Elizabeth and Ophelia, mostly. I mean, I have a flat with Dorcas, but…"

"But she's out all the time," Fabian said, his voice dark again. "Is Ophelia still seeing Althea?"

Rachel shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes," she muttered, warming her hands against her tea.

There had been a massive scandal when it had become commonly known that Rachel's Ravenclaw friend, Ophelia Warburton, was not only dating a Slytherin, but a Slytherin female, Althea Grimshaw. Rachel and Holly Elizabeth hadn't minded. Althea was a bit hard to crack out of her shell, but she was otherwise a lovely girl, and she made Ophelia very happy.

But the Marauders had been outraged, and Ophelia had been more or less cut out of their interactions after that.

Fabian didn't seem to judge, though, so he just nodded.

"That was a tough year," he said softly. "Between that, and Mary…."

Mary MacDonald had been one of Rachel's roommates at Hogwarts. She was a quiet girl with dark hair. She had a heavy dialect and didn't speak often, but when she did, she spoke bluntly in a way that both amused and frustrated the people around her. Rachel and Mary hadn't been the best of friends, but they liked each other very much, and also happened to think each other brilliant.

When Mary MacDonald's body was found in the lake on Christmas morning of their seventh year…underneath the ice, somehow, the whole school had been shocked.

"So, is Holly Elizabeth still dating Caradoc?" Fabian asked, changing to a brighter topic.

"I don't think they've spoken since graduation, either," Rachel said with a laugh. "Caradoc disappeared with you lot, you know, and I don't think he ever forgave her for catching the Snitch before him. Quidditch Cup champions three years in a row…. Poor Ravenclaw was devastated."

"Well, he's forgiven the rest of us," Fabian mused, scratching his chin. "But I guess things got awkward with them, in the end."

Rachel nodded, finishing off the last of her tea several minutes later and saying softly, "I suppose I really ought to get back or Dorcas will worry."

"Do you want me to go back with you?" Fabian asked, taking her teacup from her and looking at her with shining eyes.

It was strange, after so long not seeing him, not talking to him, when she'd grown so used to seeing him every single day. Her heart raced as he offered to take her back, but she shook her head. This had already gone on too long and she was bound to do something stupid, say something stupid if it continued.

"No, I really think it's fine," she said, laughing and getting her Floo powder from the counter. Fabian nodded and went to the window.

She'd just put her hand on the doorknob when Fabian said, his voice suddenly dark and concerned, "Wait."

She turned and looked at him. He was frowning down at the street for a brief moment before he closed the blinds, then moving to the next window to close the blinds again.

"What are you doing?" she asked, moving toward him.

"Stay there," he demanded. "Stay in the kitchen."

Rachel did as ordered while he closed the last set of curtains and returned to her, looking pale. She asked again what was going on and he motioned for her to sit down, making more tea.

"Fabian," she began but he cut her off.

"How much do you know about what Dorcas does?" he asked softly.

That was an interesting question. Rachel knew next to nothing, but she could guess.

"She's doing something for Dumbledore," Rachel said softly. "I imagine it's something dangerous, something for the war, but she doesn't tell me. I'm not sure I want to know."

Fabian nodded, looking down at the table.

"We all are," he said with a sigh. "Gideon and I. The Marauders, Lily, Marlene, Edgar, Caradoc…. It's why you haven't heard much from us. We're trying to keep safe the people we care about."

Her heart skipped a beat when he said that. She wished he wouldn't say things like that, remind her of all the things she never told him just so that she would have to suppress them all over again. It was bad enough that he was sitting there across from her, looking so attractive and not realizing the turmoil building up inside of her.

"So…so you're fighting," she said softly, picking at a spot on the table. "All of you?"

"Among other things," he said, touching her hand. She shivered. "You know that we're all excellent duelists, Rachel. You shouldn't worry…"

"How many have died?" she demanded, looking up at him. "How many of your excellent duelists have already died?"

He just looked at her, and she could tell by the set of his jaw that he wasn't going to answer her question. She got to her feet and began to pace.

"Why can't I go home?" she asked as he poured her tea. "What's going on outside?"

"Death Eaters are outside," he said softly. "Rosier and Macnair from the look of them. I thought I'd been inactive long enough for them to focus on something or someone else, but…"

Rachel frowned moving toward the curtains, but he sharply told her to come back to the kitchen and she jumped.

Fabian had never spoken to her like that before. A shiver went down her spine, but she obeyed, coming back to the kitchen and taking the tea from him.

"If they knew you were here, knew you were seeing me," he said softly, looking down at the table. "They probably already know that you're living with Dorcas. I don't want you being a target, Rachel. I've seen things…."

She didn't want to ask what he had seen. Neither of them had seen Mary's body, but they both had heard all about it. There was plenty of the war in the papers without knowing about the worst of it.

"But I'm nobody," she said softly. "I write books about spores and their various uses. What possible use would they have for targeting me?"

He looked up at her with a sad smile and said, "Why do you think we've distanced ourselves, Rachel? Dorcas was the only one really opposed to it, and you two have been like sisters for so long that it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. Association with any of us is dangerous, and if they thought we cared about you especially…"

Her heart raced and she wondered…

No. No, it meant nothing, nothing more than Lily or Marlene caring about her especially.

"Right," she said softly. "Well, how am I supposed to get home, then?"

He carefully crept over to the window and looked down at the street.

"Still there," he muttered. "Yes, that's definitely Rosier. Can't see the other's face."

"Do you have a grate?" Rachel asked, sipping her tea.

"No," Fabian said, letting the curtain fall again. "No, I haven't. I suppose we could wait it out, unless you have somewhere you particularly have to be…"

"I don't," Rachel admitted, "but Dorcas will start to worry."

"I can send her a message," he said, waving her off. "That's easy. But I don't know when they'll leave, and I doubt you want to spend the night…"

Rachel looked down at her tea.

"I wouldn't mind," she said softly. "But I suppose you wouldn't want me here."

He frowned at her for a moment, that calculating look in his blue-green eyes that she'd seen every time they'd had a fight.

"No, it's just I've only got the one bed," he said slowly. "And…. Well, never mind. I think we can agree that you staying the night might be worse than being seen leaving after teatime."

Well, she hadn't thought of that. Being seen having lunch or tea with an old friend, even at his flat, was one thing. If they thought she and Fabian were together she would certainly be a target.

"Right," she said, looking around the room. "I suppose I could Disapparate in here."

"No," Fabian said, again in that sharp tone she was so unfamiliar with. "No, I'm not letting you Splinch yourself, Rachel. You know how dangerous that is."

"Well, would you rather I get Splinched, or would you rather they follow me around until I'm a corpse like Mary?" she said dryly, pushing the tea away and standing.

"Rachel," he began, but she shook her head, pulling out her wand.

"It's my life, Fabian," she said softly. "My choices. If I feel like getting Spliched today, that's my prerogative."

"Always so bloody stubborn," he muttered, moving to the curtains once more and looking out at the street. She watched him carefully for some sign, some sign of anything. He closed the curtains and turned back to her. "All right," he said. "If you're so intent on hurting yourself, then go ahead."

"They're still there?" she asked, hands shaking slightly as he moved toward her. He nodded. "Stand back," she said.

"I'm fine as long as I don't touch you," he said.

"Right," she breathed. "Right."

Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned forward and kissed him, and before he had a chance to give any sort of reaction, she backed away and Disapparated.

She landed with a searing pain in her shoulder.

"Fuck!" she screamed, and she heard Dorcas open the door right away, helping Rachel inside.

"What happened?" Dorcas asked, taking the Floo powder from Rachel hand and putting her on the sofa. "Gah, I'll get the dittany."

"Splinched, obviously," Rachel said with the attempt at dry humor, but the moment wasn't right for it and Dorcas just gave her a stern look as she treated the wound on Rachel's shoulder.

"I'm aware of that," Dorcas said, pulling out her wand to more carefully examine the wound. "You'll be fine in a day or two. Now, why exactly were you unfocused enough to Splinch yourself?"

Rachel went to shrug, but it hurt too much and she bit her lip, shaking her head.

Dorcas just looked at her with a raised eyebrow in demand.

"Right," Rachel finally sighed. "Well, I kissed Fabian Prewett, and-"

"You what?" Dorcas cried.

Rachel just sighed, settling on the sofa while Dorcas immediately forgot about the wound and began to do a victory dance around the room.

"When you're quite finished," Rachel said, frowning. "Anyway, you and I both know it was stupid. Obviously, if I Splinched myself because of it…"

"When are you two going on a date?" Dorcas asked, happily applying more dittany to my shoulder.

"We're not," Rachel groaned. "I'll likely not see him again."

"What do you mean? Doesn't he know-?"

"Of course he doesn't," Rachel hissed. "I didn't tell him in school. Why would I tell him now, now that I never even see him? What good would it do?"

Dorcas shook her head thoughtfully. She had a way of pretending she knew exactly what all of her friends should do in regards to love, but as she'd never been on a date they regarded her input as suspect at best.

"What you need is dinner," she finally said with a smile. "I've made lamb."

"I like lamb," Rachel sighed.

"I know," Dorcas said cheekily. "That's why I made it. You know, Fabian likes lamb too…"

"Shut it."

The two girls laughed as Rachel covered her shoulder and moved into the kitchen where dinner for two was already laid out.

"So where did you see Fabian, then?" Dorcas asked. "Was he buying books? Please tell me he was buying books."

"Why would he be buying books?" Rachel said, blushing as she looked down at her knife with interest. "No, I was buying Floo and we ran into each other and we had tea…"

Dorcas squealed predictably and Rachel closed her eyes, wishing she could disappear. At least it wasn't like in school, where she and Marlene and Holly Elizabeth would look for signs that Fabian liked her and pass them on.

Obviously, they had been wrong the whole time, but it hardly mattered anymore. Fabian had made it quite clear to her at tea.

"He's got his fighting," she said, trying not to sound bitter. "As have you. He doesn't need me. I suspect he doesn't want me to complicate things."

Dorcas snorted.

"Rachel, you two were inseparable in school."

"Until seventh year," Rachel said softly, cutting her lamb with renewed vigor.

Seventh year Rachel had begun to focus on research. She needed something to drown the loss of Mary in, something to focus her anguish at being orphaned on, something to distract her from war and pain.

She'd spent her time either in the library or picking people's brains about Dark Magic. Mostly, she had focused on time with Sirius, who knew more about Dark Magic than anyone she knew but Severus Snape. And few people disliked Snape more than Rachel.

"Maybe he was jealous of Sirius," Dorcas teased, as she liked to do. "Remus used to say-"

"I don't care what Remus used to say," Rachel said sternly. "He made it perfectly clear that connections of any emotional weight were a liability. I don't know why you keep me."

Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

"Rachel, who would scream things I don't understand about spores from the next room if I didn't have you?" she said. "I couldn't sleep without it."

Rachel took a large bite of lamb.

Dorcas hardly ever slept at normal hours, mostly because she kept strange hours both at the hospital and doing things for Dumbledore. Rachel knew that Dorcas was lying because she made a point of leaving Dorcas with a quiet flat when she had the opportunity to sleep, running errands, visiting friends who hadn't sold their souls to Dumbledore, going to a wizarding library to do more research.

But she appreciated Dorcas not pushing her away as others had done. As Fabian had pointed out, she and Dorcas had been like sisters ever since they'd met on the Hogwarts Express, and now that Rachel literally had no other family, she didn't think she could have handled the war around her constantly without Dorcas.

"Have you been looking into the houses I showed you?" Rachel asked.

"You didn't show me anything."

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"I know you looked at the brochures, Dorcas. I left them right on top of your tea tin to ensure that you couldn't miss them."

"I know," Dorcas sighed. "I've misplaced them, actually, but I did read them."

"And?"

"And I like all the ones you marked, of course," Dorcas said with a snort. "I don't know why you bother asking my opinions on these things, Rachel. You know we're practically the same person when it comes to stuff like this. Just tell Alodia that we approve of all of those ones, and let them work it out from there."

Rachel nodded, making a mental note to herself to talk to Alodia.

Especially after what Fabian had told her about the Death Eaters, she couldn't wait to move into a house with more friends instead of just the flat with Dorcas. She suddenly felt like her home wasn't as secure as it had been that morning.


	2. Ties that Bind

Remus scratched at his arm as he walked, feeling the almost-healed scab from his last full moon very profoundly, even through his rather thick shirt.

"Have we gone down that way in a while?" Gideon asked, pulling his jacket more tightly around him.

Fabian and Remus both shook their heads and the three of them began down the alleyway Gideon had suggested.

Remus knew that Fabian had been acting strangely for a few days, but he hadn't wanted to bring it up with other people around, even Gideon. Contrary to popular belief, Remus knew that the twins did not share everything.

A prime example was the fact that Rachel Chaplin had been Fabian's friend, not Gideon's. She was friendly with Gideon, but she'd been closer even to the Marauders than she'd been to Fabian's twin. Although they were both a bit quiet, a bit shy in their way, Fabian was definitely the more outgoing of the two. Remus suspected that their quietness was in response to their loud, domineering older sister, but he didn't speak about it with them.

Someone who didn't want to talk about family didn't bring up the family of others.

"I'll be right back," Gideon muttered, frowning as he shined his wandlight down a side street. "I think I see a place still selling food."

"Careful," Remus hissed, watching him go.

"Should we follow?" Fabian muttered.

Remus shook his head, turning back to Fabian.

"Tell me what happened when you were tailed."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you wouldn't be in this much of a funk if it were a simple matter of Rosier and Macnair outside your flat. You're upset about something. So what really happened?"

Fabian licked his lips in the moonlight, glancing around the streets quickly.

"Have you heard from Rachel lately?"

Remus raised his eyebrows and shook my head.

"Has Dorcas mentioned her to you recently?" Fabian pressed.

"No," Remus said. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not really. It's just, I saw her that day, and we had tea and I…I was worried that maybe something happened, like maybe she was seen with me, or she got…got Splinched or something."

"Oh," Remus said, suddenly understanding. "No, I've not heard anything. Have you talked to Dorcas?"

He shook his head, but Remus didn't push the conversation further.

If Rachel wasn't fine, they would have heard about it, but if it was a minor Splinching Dorcas might have kept it between the two of them. Remus couldn't imagine why it would come up if there wasn't something seriously wrong, so he wanted to tell Fabian to take heart in that, but at the same time Gideon was coming back with food. Remus said nothing.

"On we go," Gideon said, handing a pasty to the other two young men before they continued on their walk. Remus ate his pasty, watching Fabian.

It had been difficult for Fabian to cut off Rachel when they left school, for her own safety he said, even when Dorcas criticized him for it. Remus understood. He'd cut ties with his parents, stopped talking to Rachel and Holly Elizabeth, and hadn't heard from Ophelia or Alodia in ages, although Ophelia's estrangement wasn't entirely Order-related.

"Do you ever wish they'd have us patrol somewhere warmer?" Fabian asked softly. "Like…like Brighton?"

"There hasn't been a Death Eater attack in Brighton," Gideon said reasonably.

"Probably to make us miserable," Remus said, smiling weakly.

It was getting easier to joke about the war every time they did it, but it was still hard. Harder for some than others, of course, as every other thing Sirius said was joke about the war. He went a bit sober when something heavy happened, but otherwise he was our personal wartime comedian.

Sirius was part of the problem with Fabian and Rachel, although he didn't probably realize. Her studies had caused an unintentional rift between them, spending so much time with Sirius when her nose wasn't in a book.

It made it easier for Fabian to cut ties for her own good, Remus supposed. He mused that he would have gotten a vegetarian pasty if he'd bought them, but there was no way for Gideon to know that Remus didn't like eating meat right after the full moon.

"What was that?" Fabian asked, jumping slightly, turning toward a side street.

Remus had heard it too, of course. It was the sound of rope creaking, a sound he had heard before about a year ago.

His hands were already shaking as he stepped forward, following Fabian. Gideon had dropped the last bit of his pasty, all action. The three young men crept forward into the darkness, their wands illuminating just a bit more with every step.

The woman was hanging from a jutting out on the roof, some architectural feature Remus did not know the name of. A pool of blood was on the ground below her, droplets still falling from the tips of her toes into the puddle.

"Mary was barefoot too," Remus muttered, and the twins looked at him, concerned.

No one was there. Whoever had done it was long gone.

"Remus, go home," Gideon said. "We'll clean this up. You just get some rest."

"Should I…?"

"I'll do the report," Fabian said. "Go home."

There was no sense arguing with them. Remus Disapparated on the spot, landing just down the street from his paltry flat, barely glancing around the sparse space as he went inside.

He sank onto the threadbare couch, the springs threatening to poke out of the thin fabric with every slight shift, but he paid it no mind.

His mind was at Hogwarts, on a cold, clear night of patrol, when he had seen and heard the horrific things he'd just seen and heard the first time.

Remus closed his eyes, leaning back on the sofa, rubbing his eyebrows as the memories flooded back. His hands were still trembling, and it all felt so disgustingly close. He swallowed the bile in his throat.

/-/

_ Remus watched Marlene adjust her scarf before they started their patrol. Her dirty blonde hair bounced around her shoulders as they walked, as always. He thought her hair looked comfortable, for some reason, like it suited her face particularly well. Lily's hair was like that, and Rachel's. He thought Mary's was a bit short some days, but on other days he thought it was perfect. He'd never figured out what changed about it, just that some days it looked too short and other days it didn't._

_ "Not too many of these left," Marlene said brightly. "Must be really strange for you."_

_ He forgot, periodically, that Marlene had not been a prefect very long. She had filled the spot Lily had left when she became Head Girl. Sometimes, similarly, he forgot that she was a prefect at all. That was rarer, because it had been a very controversial decision, Marlene as Lily's replacement. It hadn't been as big of news as James being Head Boy, but the speculation had centered almost exclusively on whether it would be Rachel or Holly Elizabeth to replace Lily._

_ Rachel and Holly Elizabeth would have been prefect to begin with, had anyone but Lily Evans been there first. Lily was likeable, which Rachel sometimes had trouble with, and was in perfect health. Perhaps such a thing wouldn't be a problem typically, but with Remus having to take every full moon off, the ill health of both Rachel and Holly Elizabeth had made them lesser candidates than Lily._

_ And perhaps that was why Marlene had been chosen. Perhaps Remus had been the reason that such a controversial decision had to be made._

_ Not that Marlene wasn't excellent on her own merit. He hardly knew anyone who didn't like her, and she was nearly as diplomatic as Holly Elizabeth and Lily._

_ Actually, the girls in his year were just a string of excellent potential prefects._

_ "I suppose it is, a bit," Remus admitted, following her down the hall slightly. They checked a classroom, but it was empty as it ought to be. In spite of knowing that there were students out of bed frequently, Remus had only ever caught one in all his time patrolling._

_ Perhaps they were very good at hiding, or perhaps nobody was interested in taking night strolls through the Charms corridor._

_ "What was that?" Marlene asked, frowning as she turned._

_ Remus had heard it too, of course. His hearing was greatly enhanced by his condition, and he had heard the strange sound that echoed through the corridor as Marlene had closed the door to the empty classroom._

_ "Rope?" he said, frowning slightly. "It sounded like rope creaking."_

_ "That's not normal, right?" Marlene asked, her voice a bit higher than usual. "I mean, what would make that sound? Other than rope."_

_ "Does it have to be something other than rope?"_

_ "Why would there be rope creaking?"_

_ Remus pursed his lips together._

_ "I'll light my wand and go first," he said slowly. "Keep yours ready to hex anything that jumps out at us."_

_ "Do you think something will jump out at us?"_

_ "No," Remus lied. He'd seen enough Muggle films to know that things always jumped out in these situations. "But better to be safe, don't you think?"_

_ "Right," Marlene breathed. "Right."_

_ The two of them crept forward, inching down the hallway, Remus's wandlight guiding them. He could almost hear Marlene's teeth chattering as they went. Or maybe those were his own teeth. It was strange how fear could amplify and magnify sounds, clarifying them and then muddling them all as he tried to process them._

_ "It's getting louder," Marlene hissed, and Remus turned, holding a finger to his lips._

_ Of course it was getting louder. They were getting closer. But closer to what?_

_ Remus could hear a faint dripping sound, and he frowned._

_ It hadn't rained in more than a week, and even if it had, he could think of no reason there should be anything dripping in this part of the castle._

_ And he pointed his wand toward the ground, looking at the beam's glow intently. He suddenly had a very distinct feeling that he did not want to see whatever was creaking._

_ It was Marlene's scream that did it. Remus had to look up from the pool of what looked like blood on the ground._

_ Mary._

_ It was Mary MacDonald hanging there, from some architectural feature Remus didn't know the name of, but it looked like some sort of arch. There was a rope around her neck, but it wasn't really a noose. She looked unnaturally pale, even for being in the light from the wand. And a trail of blood from her neck tricked down her body, slowly now but Remus could imagine it rushing out at some earlier time of evening, and droplets casually and rhythmically fell from her toes to the puddle of blood._

_ She was barefoot, for some reason, and Remus wondered where her shoes were. He couldn't imagine her walking around at night without shoes, especially on a cold night like this._

_ "Marlene," Remus said, touching the distraught girl's shoulder. She jumped, wiping tears from her eyes and tearing her gaze from the hanging body of their friend. "We need to get Dumbledore and McGonagall."_

_ "Right," Marlene muttered, looking down at the blood. "Right."_

_ "You get McGonagall," Remus said. She would be easier to find, and Remus gave Marlene directions._

_ As soon as Marlene had left, Remus tried to find his bearings, to go as he said he would and find Dumbledore. It wouldn't be hard. He knew where to find him. But somehow, Remus found his legs too wobbly to walk on. He staggered over to the nearest window, a large one that leaned over the Charms courtyard, and he grasped the stone sill._

_ Mary MacDonald, murdered right in the middle of Hogwarts. It wasn't just news clippings anymore. The war was coming to them, whether or not they were ready._

_ And he promptly vomited into the courtyard._

/-/

Remus still had the woman's corpse on his mind several days later when he was browsing through Flourish and Blott's, looking for a better book for dealing with magical molds and mildews. It was the unfortunate part of living where he lived, that he had to deal with these sorts of things. His mother had been very good at handling them, in spite of her being a Muggle. She did the research, told her husband which Charms and potions to do, but Remus could not ask his mother.

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the latest books. His own book was about fifty years old, and like many other things of this nature, the molds and mildews had changed considerably since then.

"I'd try the one to your right," a familiar voice said behind him, full of amusement.

Remus didn't even have to look at the book to know that the author of it would be Rachel Chaplin. He turned to find her smiling at him.

"Rachel," he said, laughing in a way that was only half-forced as she hugged him. "How have you been, other than becoming immensely important?"

"Important?" she snorted. "I wrote a book on spores, Remus. That's hardly important."

"It is when you have a bathroom overrun with them," Remus teased. "How have you been, though?"

"Fine," Rachel said, although her shrug suggested that something was bothering her, and Remus suspected that it had something to do with Fabian, given Fabian's behavior. "Dorcas and I are living together, of course, but we sort of live our own lives. There's a lot she can't tell me…. But you know that."

He nodded. She was trying to hint at something, and he had a feeling he knew what it was, but he didn't want to let her know how much he knew about her interaction with Fabian, or to make it seem that he knew more than he really did.

"If your bathroom is overrun," she said thoughtfully, turning to the shelf, "you might actually want this one."

She plucked a book with a plum-colored hard cover and handed it to him. He glanced down at it and saw that it was also very much on the cheap side. Her book was about twice the cost. He wondered if she had chosen this book because it would be more helpful or because she knew he had tight finances.

Either way, it was thoughtful, so Remus decided not to take it personally.

"Fabian mentioned he ran into you the other day," Remus said casually. "Were you at the bookstore then, too?"

She laughed.

It wasn't her usual laugh, though. Her typical laugh was loud, booming in a way, filling the whole room. This was a bit reserved, hardly hanging on the air but a moment before it died.

"Contrary to how this might appear, I don't stand around the spore section of the bookstore with a checklist, making sure all my former classmates buy my book."

It was a practiced response, whether she'd used it before or simply prepared it in case she needed it. As Rachel had said many times in school, she was not witty. She also tried to say that she wasn't particularly funny, but Remus knew that she had an incredible gift for self-depreciating humor that he had tried to emulate.

But his flaws were bigger than hers. It made them harder for him to joke about. Perhaps Sirius and James could find something amusing in his becoming a monster every month, but Remus struggled to find the humor in it.

"I suppose that would be a bit ridiculous," Remus said, smiling. "I…I'm sorry about how I haven't seen you in so long. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but we all agreed you'd be safer if…."

He shrugged.

"Fabian told me," Rachel said with a frown, looking down at the first floor of Flourish and Blott's, at the entryway. "I don't know if you were right about doing it, but I wish you hadn't. I mean, I'm not lonely, and my book would have taken longer if I had…. But I've missed you. All of you. Even Peter."

Remus looked down at the first floor as well. What was she looking at?

Rosier.

Evan Rosier was standing there, looking up at her, and Remus realized what she was dancing around with her words.

Whether or not she had been seen with Fabian was immaterial now. She'd been seen with Remus. There was really no point in their pushing her away now.

Rosier's eyes flashed as he watched the pair and Remus said, "Well, perhaps we can all get together sometime soon, catch up. I'll be in touch. I should watch you go, make sure you're…."

Rachel shook her head.

"I'm Flooing in the back in an hour. It's already arranged."

"All right," Remus said slowly. "I suppose I'll pay and go, then. But take care of yourself, Rachel."

"I will," she said softly. "I…I'll have Dorcas send word to let you know I got back all right, if that would make you feel better."

Remus frowned slightly, wondering why she hadn't done the same thing with Fabian, but he didn't have a lot of time to stand there wondering, and he wasn't about to ask.

"Yes, that's fine," he said. "We'll be in touch."

Remus walked down to the register, ignoring Rosier as best he could. Rosier was doing anything but ignoring Remus, watching from the corner as Remus paid for the book and walked out of the shop. With any luck, Rosier would follow Remus outside and if he went back in Rachel would already be somewhere else inside the shop.

As hoped, Rosier followed Remus, who swallowed, used his knowledge of the alley to dip out of sight between Flourish and Blott's and the stationary shop next door, watching Rosier look for him for just a few moments, enough for Rachel to find somewhere else in the shop to be, and then he Disapparated.


	3. Daily

Remus sat at one of the inner seats of the booth, nursing his half-touched drink. He wouldn't have minded letting loose a bit, but if he didn't stay relatively sober and pay attention, James and Sirius and even Peter had a knack for getting into things well worth regretting come morning.

He licked his lips and took a small sip of his firewhisky.

He hated the stuff, actually. It was strong, too strong to have by itself, but the burn felt pretty good. He couldn't understand how Sirius could just throw back glass after glass like it was water, but Remus supposed that it came from years of practice.

"Have you heard from Chaplin, then, Moony?" Sirius slurred.

Well, maybe it was only like water for the first six or seven.

"She said she's fine," Remus said with a shrug. "Other than that, no. And that was through Dorcas, anyway. My concern is, has Fabian heard from her."

"Maybe if he'd stop being stubborn," James said with a shrug. "I think he's still afraid. He's got a bit of a point, actually." James pushed his glasses higher up on his nose. His nose sweated when he drank, and his glasses had nearly been lost a time or two because of this. "I mean, being seen with one of us is one thing. The more of us she's been with…. I mean, seen with…. I mean…. You know."

Remus nodded.

The more Order members she became associated with, the more likely they would try to use her to get to one of them. And it wasn't as if there were any Order members safe to associate with. Some were, perhaps, safer than others. Remus was still fairly low-key, and perhaps Peter. But Fabian had been throwing himself into the action from the first day.

Fabian and Gideon both, actually, and whether or not the Death Eaters who saw her with either could tell the twins apart was irrelevant. Either way, she was associating with dangerous Order members.

Perhaps Fabian did have the right idea after all.

Remus had appreciated the book she had recommended. It had taken care of the problem very well, although he was curious about her book. He'd felt bad about not buying a copy, as someone who had gone to school with her, even been something of a friend of hers at one time. He'd seen that Fabian had a copy. Perhaps he'd borrow it, just so he could say he'd read it, at least.

"Do you know anything about Caradoc's mission?" Peter asked, frowning at his drink. "I get this impression like it's so important, like so many of the things we do contribute to it, but none of us know what it is."

"Something in Wales," James said with a shrug. "I heard him telling Albus something about Cardiff Bay the other day." He scratched his chin. "Or maybe that's because he lives in Cardiff and he was talking about where he went for lunch." He shrugged and then Remus reached over and pushed his glasses up again because they were dangerously close to leaving James's face.

"Does he?" Peter said, scratching his own chin. It was a habit he had picked up from watching James. "I could have sworn he'd moved to London."

"Nah, he got a place in London when he was still dating Holly Elizabeth," Sirius said, his words becoming clearer with each syllable. Any minute now he would take another shot. "When they broke up, he sold it about two days later and got one in Cardiff instead."

Remus remembered that awkward situation well. Holly Elizabeth was a girl who could get nearly anyone to agree with her, and to do what she wanted, but Caradoc had a certain amount of pride. Remus had thought it strange that he would take such offense to Ravenclaw losing Quidditch, but he knew after the fact that it was actually a front. Caradoc knew that he would be fighting and Holly Elizabeth would not, and he thought she would be safer and happier without his dangerous activities hanging over her all the time.

He also knew her pride would not let him leave her over something like that, so he'd all but made her wish they were done with the to-do he made about Quidditch.

And then they were.

Sirius downed two more shots, one right after the other, and Remus groaned.

"I think that's all for tonight," he said, helping James adjust his glasses once more. "Come on. I'm getting you all home."

"I can help," Peter squeaked, and Remus blinked at him with surprise, realizing that Peter was indeed rather sober.

"If you'd like," Remus said. "You take James. He'll be easier. I'll take Sirius. Just don't lose his glasses, or break them."

Peter nodded, and a moment later Peter and Disapparated with James in tow. Remus paid the bill from Sirius's pocket, which seemed fair given that Sirius had promised to pay and could best afford it anyway. Then he, in turn, Disapparated holding onto Sirius, who was mostly conscious. Thankfully, no Splinching occurred, and Remus tucked Sirius in for the night unharmed. He contemplated staying with Sirius to make sure he didn't have any…adverse alcohol effects. He paced for a moment, trying to make up his mind.

And then he heard the sound of peaceful snoring that made up his mind for him.

If Sirius thought he was invincible, who was Remus to argue? He decided to come back in the morning on some unrelated pretense to make sure Sirius was fine and then promptly returned to his own home. Remus kicked off his shoes first thing in the door, peeled off his coat, and crossed to his small bed. He was too tired to think about anything but sleep, so he didn't bother even peeling off his shirt or trousers before climbing into bed and closing his eyes.

Sleep came easily as it had for Sirius, and Remus forgot to set an alarm.

Sirius was fine, anyway, and even came to check on Remus the following day.

"I barely had anything to drink," Remus said in protest, checking his clock. "How are you even conscious? You drank a bottle and a half!"

"Never mind that," Sirius said, waving off the question as he cooked Remus breakfast. "Gideon asked me to make sure you were on time for your mission."

Remus groaned, turning over and burying his face in the pillow.

There were only a few things he hated more than chipper Sirius so early in the morning after a night out with the Marauders. One of those things was when Sirius was the responsible one. It just defied all logic, and for a moment, Remus was sure that he was still asleep and this was some sick dream.

But the smell of bacon called him out of bed, regardless, and he eventually decided halfway through breakfast that it wasn't a dream, but he strangely minded much less.

"So, what are you and Gideon off to do today?" Sirius prompted.

"Nothing I can talk about," Remus said honestly. "Gideon was even told not to discuss it with Fabian."

At that, Sirius didn't even jokingly press. Remus, being an only child, did not fully understand the bond between siblings, but he imagined that the bond between brings was something like a sacred oath, untouchable, unbreakable…

He thought it must be quite difficult for Gideon to keep secrets from Fabian, like it seemed impossible for Sirius and James to keep secrets from each other.

"Well, you've got about twenty minutes to finish breakfast and meet him, if the times haven't changed from when he told me," Sirius said with a frown at his watch before pushing some more bacon onto my plate.

Remus was at the meeting point at the chosen time, and Gideon stood there, blue-green eyes a bit dark as he watched Remus appear.

"Excellent," Dumbledore's voice said from behind Remus, who moved to see both men more or less at once. "Right on time, both of you. You have the train tickets, I presume?"

The young men nodded.

Dumbledore gave them brief reminders of their instructions and Gideon and Remus hopped onto the train from New Street Station all the way down to Victoria Station in London.

"Any guesses why this particular train?" Gideon asked as they sank into our seats.

"Haven't a clue," Remus admitted. "Do you have any idea what's in that vial?"

Gideon shook his head, patting his breast pocket absently. All they knew was that they were to ensure that the vial got handed off to Mad-Eye in Victoria Station, although Remus didn't really know why they were taking the train instead of going there directly by Apparition.

Gideon was right. There was something very odd about the whole mission.

Still, nothing eventful happened during the train ride, and the pair got off the train at the proper station.

"Do you know where exactly we're supposed to meet him?" Gideon muttered. "It's not as though this is the world's smallest train station."

"No," Remus agreed, frowning. "But I have a feeling Mad-Eye is going to be fairly easy to spot amongst all these Muggles."

Indeed, they spotted him limping through the crowd on platform six, and they rushed toward him as discretely as possible in such a crowded place.

"Freeze," Mad-Eye said as they neared him, and Remus could see his wand poking out of his baggy coat sleeve, pointed straight at them. "Prove you're Lupin and Prewett."

Gideon sighed.

"What do you want us to do, Mad-Eye?" Gideon said wryly. "Do you want to see the bite-marks on Remus's arse? You know Polyjuice doesn't work on werewolves."

"What about you, then?"

Gideon glanced sideways at Remus before saying, "Jellyfish. Spring. Left knee."

"Good enough," Mad-Eye said gruffly, and Remus raised his eyebrows, curious as to what that was all about, but he had the distinct impression that neither man would tell him.

"So, what is this thing, anyway?" Gideon asked, pulling the vial out of his pocket and handing it over to Mad-Eye, who quickly slipped it into his own pocket, his magical eye whirring under the hat he used to keep from freaking out Muggles.

"It's worth more than your life, boy," Mad-Eye said gruffly, patting Gideon's shoulder. "That's all you need to know about it."

Remus just watched, assaulted by the sounds of train whistles that made him uncomfortable.

"We'll report back, then," he said softly, leaning in closer. "Is there anything want us to say in addition to the basics?"

"Yeah," Mad-Eye snorted. "Tell him Gideon's not half as stupid as his brother."

Remus forced a smile as Gideon laughed and pretended that he knew what they were on about, deciding he wouldn't mention it, and parting from Mad-Eye in the way the man deserved respectfully. He would have thought, after spending so much time with the Marauders, that he would get those jokes, but he still didn't understand Mad-Eye Moody.

Gideon and Remus stayed on alert all the way back to Birmingham where Dumbledore was waiting for them in the safe house on Cannon Street.

"We passed it off," Gideon said solemnly. "Anything else?"

"Not today, Mr. Prewett," Dumbledore said with a soft smile. "Remus, I'm going to need you for something later, but I haven't worked out all of the details yet. Keep your calendar open."

"Yes, sir," Remus said softly.

He and Gideon parted ways and Remus decided that he would do some grocery shopping, since he'd gotten a small gift of coins left at his flat, probably from Lily who hated seeing how little he had and would leave money around when he wasn't looking.

Remus went to a Muggle grocery store, deciding he would be less likely to run into people he knew, there. Besides, he still had some cash left over from the last time Lily left Muggle money at his flat. That was how he knew it was her: none of his other friends knew enough about Muggles to think of such things.

"Remus?"

He turned at the sound of a familiar voice in the Tesco, jumping at the sight of Holly Elizabeth Allain.

The best way to describe her, he had decided long ago, was jolly. He knew that she was larger than perhaps was considered healthy weight, but he'd never thought of her as fat or even overweight. It was just a part of Holly Elizabeth. She had more on her than he did. It meant she didn't lose nights of sleep being a monster once a month. It meant she didn't burn an incredible amount of calories trying to break out and eat people.

He was actually a bit jealous that she wasn't as thin as he was, that she could put on pounds. He'd always wanted to put on pounds.

"Holly Elizabeth," he finally managed to say. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Well," she said with a smile and a shrug. "Sometimes I shop Muggle. I like to bake, and flour is cheaper in Muggle shops for whatever reason. What about you?"

"Oh, closer to home," he lied. "What have you been up to?"

"Research, of course," she said proudly.

Holly Elizabeth had been an incredibly promising student in the magical theory of most subjects, although her interest in practical matters had never been as strong. At Professor Dumbledore's urging and with his assistance, she'd gotten into the world of Alchemy.

"I would tell you about it," she said as she led Remus down the diary aisle, "but to be honest, I'm not sure I'm at a stage that would make a lot of sense to the general public."

"Fair," he said, grabbing a carton of milk. "Well, you look well."

"Thank you," she said brightly. "You look well, too."

Remus winced slightly. He knew he didn't look anything resembling well. But Holly Elizabeth, much like Lily, was one of those people who was unfailingly kind to everyone.

"How's things with the Order, then?" she asked as she led him off toward the eggs. "I mean, I know you can't tell me specifics, but..."

She hesitated, looking around the aisle like she had forgotten what she was doing.

"We're all alive and well," Remus told her bracingly. "Everybody you know. James, Sirius, Lily, Caradoc..."

Her face brightened slightly and Remus thought of how cruel and almost ridiculous it was, what Caradoc had done to keep her safe. Obviously neither of them was half as happy without the other, but maybe they'd done the right thing. He wasn't in a position to judge. He'd never had a serious relationship, never allowed himself to get this close to someone, where he would have to have these decisions made.

"That's good," she said happily. "You know, Rachel said she saw you the other day in Flourish and Blotts. Still reading up a storm?"

"I had a problem with household fungi, actually," Remus admitted with a self-depreciating smile. "But it was good to see her. We've all made hard choices, you know...with the war."

Holly Elizabeth swallowed visibly and he could have kicked himself. Remus had essentially just told her what Caradoc had done, and he was probably going to hear all about it later.

To his surprise, though, she simply smiled and said, "Yes, I know. Rachel told me that Fabian decided she'd be better off not talking to her, considering the war and everything. Ridiculous, right?"

Remus shrugged and smiled, glad she wasn't taking it personally, at least outwardly. With any luck, she was over it all anyway.

"It doesn't feel like my place to judge," Remus said honestly. "My friends... Well, most of my close friends are in the Order anyway."

She nodded at him for a moment and said, "Well, Remus, it was really nice seeing you. I should go check out, but we'll talk soon, all right?"

She hugged him, and Remus muttered sounds of assent, knowing perfectly well that the likelihood he would talk to her was fairly low. He gathered a few more basics, counting costs quickly to ensure he had enough, and made sure she'd left the store before checking out. As soon as he'd stepped outside, he Disapparated.

Remus paced the floor of his meager flat after putting away his shopping and asked himself dozens of questions.

Should he have pushed things with the whole Caradoc-Holly Elizabeth question? Should he even have said as much as he had? He even felt a bit guilty about agreeing with her, in a sense, when she said they would talk soon. Should he have made such an agreement of sorts without asking Caradoc first?

But that was ridiculous. It wasn't like they were still together. And he really hadn't agreed to anything. As he had told himself, the chances of running into her again were fairly low.

Still, perhaps he should mention it to Caradoc. Or perhaps mentioning it would be the worst thing to do. He rubbed his forehead. Sirius would know what to do. Sirius always knew what to do in these strange situations.

First things first, he was going to talk to Sirius, then. Sirius would have no difficulty hearing about the situation, and maybe, just maybe, he would have some idea on what to do. Or perhaps Lily.

On second thought, Lily would be a better choice. Sirius would go about fixing things and that might just make things worse. Remus decided to make some tea and go to bed, though, before he had even more reservations about the whole situation.


End file.
